Friday, February 22, 2008

Lindsay Blowhan

Okay, is it just me or is Lindsay Lohan aging prematurely? Those atrocious "Marilyn Monroe" photos of her do the complete opposite of flattering her flabby, freckly body. She's got droopy boobs, cellulite-ridden thighs, and absolutely no waist! And this is coming from someone who used to think she was seriously sexy! This may piss some people off, but she clearly looked her best when she was anorexic or whatever. Emaciated is the only good look for her. It's that damn rehab, I just know it! They always teach people to replace their "destructive" alcohol and drug addictions with something else. Most people turn to cigarettes and sugary foods, and thus die an even more miserable, untimely death than they would have had they just stuck to the Mary Jane or the peppy nose powder. Poor Lindsay. She has what my art professor husband calls a "peasant proportion" body type, meaning her torso is stout, and her limbs are short and stubby. Is there anything wrong with peasants? I don't think so. I like them as people and appreciate what they do, but do I want to look at them naked? Not usually, no. I blame this debacle on her choice of photographer. She worked with the same guy who shot the original Marilyn series which they attempted to recreate - Bert Stern. The only problem is that technology has since evolved to allow us to completely alter a person's appearance on camera for the better and he is clearly oblivious to it. He is also probably old and senile by now, and in his day fat, butter-guzzling ladies were the pinnacle of beauty and elegance. Someone really should have cautioned Lindsay against working with him. If she wanted to show her ta-tas, either Playboy or Maxim could have done a much better job on making her actually look like a 20-something year old rather than an over-the-hill trailer park mother of seven. That's all I have to say. I hope I never feel compelled to actually comment on celebrity news with such passion ever again.
Check out the photos here:

PS. Tune into

on Saturday Feb. 23 between 9 AM and 12 PM to hear a ten-minute teaser of my weekly radio show, The Mariya Alexander Show.