cringe

What a disaster this last show was. I feel truly embarrassed, and wish I could erase the day not only from my own memory, but from the memories of those unfortunate souls who chanced to hear the debacle.
Despite several warnings and pleas to my former co-host for proper, professional conduct, he hi-jacked the show and took it completely off the rails with his vulgar, simplistic, and completely out of place comments. The charm of working with him at first was that he was quiet and only spoke in response to my topics. I had always liked him during school and enjoyed the audio projects he created, so when I first thought of working with him, I couldn't even suspect that he would turn out to be such a loose cannon. Well, that's exactly what he was. He interrupted me, our callers, and made me feel truly comfortable. I wanted to cut the program short and run away crying, but alas, I had to sit there and wait it out. He was probably just excited and couldn't control himself, which is bad... but what if he ultimately doesn't care that I'm the one that created the show, and that he has to recognize his place in the scheme of things? That's much worse, isn't it? He just wants to do what he wants to do, and say the things he likes to say, which are pretty much too absurd and too foul even for me.

For the love of the baby Jesus, please tune in next Sunday and give the new and improved show a chance! There will be guests, there will be calls, and I'll actually try to round up prizes for anyone who even bothers to participate in the show interactively; i.e. calling in, e-mailing, supporting in any way. There will be no more wild, overbearing co-host. Only the strangely addicting phenomenon that is me ;-)

But the truth is I feel awful and nervous. I don't like conflict of any kind, so writing the email breaking off the on-air relationship was very difficult. I wish him all the best of luck, but I just know that I can't wait around for him to mature as a performer. I honestly hate this feeling. This is how it felt when I would first start dating someone and then realize within a day or two that he was creepy, while he was completely oblivious and thought things were going great. The break-up would hit him completely out of the blue, and after that point all the affection he felt for me would turn into bitter resentment. That's what I hope doesn't happen now. Enough people out there hate me already.

*sigh*