My mind is unraveling. Nothing makes any sense right now. I thought I had made progress - that rationality was my muse.
I can't strike from my memory the very essence of what I felt like last Tuesday: light, free, content yet exhilarated. If we are nothing but masses of energy percolating with different frequencies, then it really seems extra unfair that mundane, physical circumstance is preventing a potentially beautiful and fruitful co-vibration. It will take time for my brain to readjust to this new level of perception. It will take my heart even longer to stop aching at the thought of what could never be. I know I will survive any disappointment. I know I am complete already... But who can resist basking in the glow of unfettered joy when the opportunity throws itself at one's feet? And who can willingly relinquish the right to even remember that joy once it's gone?
Appropriately enough, I've lost my voice. The raspy gasps my throat emits when I attempt to speak match the ugliness of my societally sanctioned self-denial.
To live in peace can mean so many different things. At least I seem to have a clearer idea of what it means to me. I'm not there yet.
5 weeks ago